It’s unsettling to know that God considers my late night love affair with fudge a form of adultery.
What’s more unsettling to imagine is the cloud of Aquanet fumes that hovers over this woman’s glorious bangs on any given day.
This hilarious video makes me immediately think of what a mashup between Jesus and the crossfit exercise fad would be like. I’m already not into burpees and tossing tractor tires across the parking lot of a strip mall, but imagine for a second the booming, drill sergeant voice that’d bellow if God were your personal trainer…
Have fun trying not to choke on your egg salad sandwich at lunch later when you think of a man standing over you in a black burnout tee and Birkenstocks.