My right foot is due in November. It's a girl.

My right foot is due in November. It's a girl.

I may not be pregnant, but my right foot has taken on the arduous 9-month journey to motherhood. My whole life, my body has reacted rather oddly to insect bites. I don't even know who the bastard's father is. I've scoured our house high and low with no evidence of insect life.

Oh, not so little right foot of mine. We'll have a shower for you with games and gifts and finger foods and we'll make sure that the house looks like Pepto Bismol threw up all over the place.