Satire is my favorite. And today, this Dadholes series is my ultimate fave.
Watch. Giggle. Repeat.
Subscribe to Chris Wylde on YouTube HERE so you don't miss a single one.
This is a post that's about to get real annoying, real fast, but I couldn't spend another day not sharing my #JeansWatch2013 thread from Twitter with you all here.
It was a wonderful holiday full of eating and family like any other. Why of course I mean Thanksgiving, not Arbor Day, you putz. I'd spent the bulk of the day in the kitchen preparing a heft meal for myself and the boys to enjoy when all of a sudden I realized it was almost 9:00pm and I was still wearing jeans. JEANS PEOPLE! I never wear pants with a button and a zipper unless it's absolutely necessary (which, IMHO it never really is) so this was…well…against my better judgment and I know that now.
I decided it was time to document the process of removing my jeans for two reasons. 1) I never wear jeans and 2) if something terrible were to happen to me, I wanted someone, anyone, to know where to find me.
This is what unfolded:
Jeans Watch 2013. 8:45pm PT: She is still wearing jeans.
8:46p PT: She has begun contemplating the removal of the jeans for the umpteenth time. #jeanswatch2013
8:47p PT: A decision has been made. She just got up from the couch. #jeanswatch2013
8:47:30p PT: Distracted by a cup of stale marshmallows. Jeans still on. #jeanswatch2013
8:49p PT: Just finished the stale marshmallows. She's taken a left turn into the kitchen. Jeans still on. #jeanswatch2013
8:51p PT: The fridge door is open. Jeans still on. #jeanswatch2013
8:52p PT: Enjoying a (diet) Coke. Tis the season. Jeans still on. #jeanswatch2013
8:54p PT: Finished the (diet) Coke. Appears to have been one of those pathetic mini cans. Jeans still on. #jeanswatch2013
8:54:15p PT: Back on course to pants removal. Headed to the bedroom. #jeanswatch2013
8:55p PT: Sneezed. Pit stop at the bathroom for clean up. #jeanswatch2013
8:56p PT: Caught glimpse of self in mirror. Doing hair. Jeans still on. #jeanswatch2013
9:12p PT: Emerging from the bathroom her top knot looks terrible and it appears her face was attacked by mosquitos. #jeanswatch2013
9:13p PT: Confirmed. She was popping zits. Jeans still on. #jeanswatch2013
9:14p PT: Walking around the house to find someone awake to commiserate about the empty pore strip thing from last week. #jeanswatch2013
9:15p PT: Finds her adorable sleeping child. Coos loudly. Jeans still on. #jeanswatch2013
9:16p PT: Rushes into bedroom to tell @steveshugg. He is asleep. #jeanswatch2013
9:17p PT: Sighs pathetically. Jeans still on. #jeanswatch2013
9:18p PT: Sweatpants drawer is open. Stroking chin with thumb and forefinger. She is thinking. #jeanswatch2013
9:19p PT: SWEATPANTS CHOSEN! Reaching for the button of her jeans. #jeanswatch2013
9:20p PT: Button and zipper undone. Pulling down the jeans. #jeanswatch2013
9:20:10p PT: Lots of grunting. #jeanswatch2013
9:21p PT: Red alert! Red alert! She's fallen over. Head trauma sustained. #jeanswatch2013
9:22p PT: Family soundly sleeping. Left for dead. #jeanswatch2013
9:25p PT: She has come to. Completing denim extraction. Looks woozy. Would not advise. #jeanswatch2013
9:26p PT: Seems to be staying put on the ground. Obtains sweatpants from nearby bed. #jeanswatch2013
9:26:30p PT: Right leg in. #jeanswatch2013
9:27p PT: We have successful left leg insertion. #jeanswatch2013
9:28p PT: SHE'S PULLING THEM UP TO HER WAIST! STAND BY! #jeanswatch2013
9:29p PT: Mission accomplished. I repeat, mission accomplished. She is out of the fucking jeans. #jeanswatch2013
It's no live-tweeting a hilarious rooftop breakup or a looney tune on a holiday flight, but it's what I've got to offer you.
Deal with it.
Admit it. Without a doubt, every single time you pull a tasty chip out of the bag at Chipotle, your mouth is about to experience one of these four chips.
If you're really lucky, you'll get a combo of the "all the salt" plus the "deathly sharp".
It's no surprise that a chick like me would be impressed to share the hilarity of other comedians with guys and girls like you. After all, it's laughter that makes the world act less like complete fucking lunatics.
In two days, one of the most remarkable improv stand-ups in the game will be premiering his Comedy Central special, White Male Black Comic. That's right, I'm talking about Chris D'Elia.
You can catch the king of crowd-play (Not cosplay, you nerds. Although I'm sure he'd dress up like Drake probably if there were a ComiCon for dope dudes.) when his special airs Friday, December 6th on Comedy Central. The one-hour special includes bits about drunk girls, bears that love Applebee's, and British dudes and their uncanny ability to make women's panties disappear into thin air.
Mad bonus doses of Chris' comedy for those of you that live in the Los Angeles area. You can catch him doing live stand-up at The Comedy Store and The Laugh Factory in Hollywood pretty much all the time. And I'll tell you from first hand experience, it's worth every two-drink minimum I've ever been obligated to drink. Every. One.
Also? You can pre-order the special on Amazon HERE. If you're like me and want to watch it at-will because you're the boss of your own life and also have really great brains and fabulous hair and long legs I think you should do it. (Or the opposite of all of those things, but you like owning incredibly hilarious things even though you are horribly out of control of your hair and legs.)
Will you be tuning in? Let me know by tweeting it out HERE.